5c Judging - Despising

Ch.5c. Judging - Despising

This is the 3^rd part of the Judging chapter.

It is also possible for the superiority to get worse, and then we know it as despising and/or contempt.

STAGE 3. DESPISING (5C)

Despising and Contempt.

Thus, according to the mechanism of the Mirror Laws, the despiser is not only despising others but also despising their own InSelf and the Self-Pity increases. The Split between outself and InSelf is now huge.

These mechanisms are of course unconscious, and are thus not always easy to recognize, particularly if the despiser is reasonably socially adept and can say nice (to lovely) things in an appropriate manner (charm), ie, put on a nice 'face'.

We have, as part of our cultural heritage, Greek myths that are very good at describing human characteristics, and if we know how to interpret them properly are as relevant for us today as they ever were.

One of these myths is that of Perseus killing the gorgon Medusa.

The Medusa. (5C1)

Medusa is a monster who has a beautiful (read ‘nice/lovely’) face surrounded by ‘hair’ of snakes.

Anyone who looked at her face was ‘turned to stone’.

Perseus (the hero) was only able to kill her by using a mirror to make sure he could see her without looking at her directly.

Medusa herself had been a normal mortal, but had been turned into a gorgon (read ‘monster’) because she was sacrilegious and treated the temple of a goddess without respect.

There is a great deal of information in this story, which is why I am discussing it.

The ‘lovely’ face = the lovely social face that you see or the nice things they may say.

The ‘hair of snakes’ = this person thinks despising ‘snaky’ things, because that is what they are thinking in their head about you, and they will feel justified (full of self-pity) in saying poisonous ‘snaky’ things to you which bite/hurt. Being bitten by a snake means that it not only hurts, but it is poisonous and the poison/venom stays there inside you in your blood/emotion. It's hidden, as in, we can't see what's happening; we can only feel it. It is also very damaging and very difficult to get rid of. Being despised by someone ‘poisons’ us in a hidden and insidious manner.

‘Turned to stone’ = a stuck lump; stymied; this person cannot ‘move’.

Those who have had a serious dose of despising do not know what to do or in which direction to move. Nothing they do or are is good enough. This leaves them seriously stuck. Being on the receiving end of such an enormous difference between the ‘nice’ face of the gorgon and being seriously hurt/bitten/poisoned is also extremely confusing, and that also helps to leave them stuck. The person has only looked at or focused on the nice face and has ‘buried’ the biting/poison because of the pain.

‘Monster’ is a warning that this person has become inhuman and you need to beware of them.

‘Desecration of the temple’. This person cannot treat another person or aspect of Life as sacred. There is and can be no respect for you or your needs. You are being ab-used and it is the despising/contempt that promotes this ab-use.

A definition of Ab-use would be; using another without respect for that person’s ‘being’ or needs; respect being also part of Love, (although I didn’t put it into TISP). No-one or no-thing is good enough to respect, and also no-one can provide the amount of pity wanted by those full of self-pity. The only use/need for you is to be used for whatever assets you may provide (= used up) and for the despiser to compare themself with (and judge themself superior, of course). This is a desecration of ‘the other’.

Thus, this person may be starving for love, but they cannot be ‘fed’ by you or anyone else. All is comparison and judgement; there is no love here at all. They have become a bottomless pit and are a danger to all. You cannot show them love; you may love them, but they will not be able to ‘see’ it; all they know is judgement with self-pity with victim/bully. The Self-Pity is also a warning to stay away and check out your own. You yourself can't and should not try to change a despiser, overtly or covertly; it's not part of your brief to try to change anyone but yourself.

If you have been ‘poisoned’, you will need to heal yourself first to make sure you can learn to TISP your own InSelf, and that can take a lot of work. In fact, you have to get out of the situation in the first place, and that can be a lot of work too.

Being ‘poisoned’ means your InSelf is hurt and wounded and it stays there in your blood in your body which is by definition, unconscious. This must not be ignored; being despised too often is awful and serious in that it can kill life. I wonder how many ‘stuck’ people have had a dose of despising from an important and powerful ‘other’, eg, but not limited to, a parent. Healing is required. Consider the words 'turned to stone' and people on drugs being described as 'stoned'; a good label of 'stuckness' which leaves me wondering about the level of despising within some families.

Sacred and Sacrilegious. Using and Ab-Using/Exploiting. (5C2)

Medusa was a normal person who became a monster when/because she treated a goddess’ temple with disrespect.

Desecration of a goddess’ temple occurs when we don’t/can’t treat Life or god/desses with awe and respect, (we say to ourselves this is ‘nothing but’ xyz, ie we are ‘thinging’ them and thus, discounting them), usually because we’re busy taking what we can from it/them. It’s like treating all Life as our ‘prey’; only there for our own purposes; it doesn't have a life or power of its own. This is the sacrilege and it does turn us into ‘monsters’.

Sacred.  (5C2a)

[In this discussion I am using the word ‘something’ to include things as well as people.]

If something is sacred for us, it matters to us, we value it, we feel it deeply, and we respect that feeling. (It helps us feel 'bigger' or more real, or more connected to Life.) That particular thing has something to say to us. We set that thing apart for its sake and for our own. We also tend to look after it, ie maintain and protect it. There is a kind of submission to its needs, or to do as it ‘tells us’. We will Serve it. When we cannot respect this quality of sacredness, we commit sacrilege.

What is Respect?  (5C3)

Respect is an attitude of allowing something to be, for its own sake, and we take its being into account in our decisions that may affect it. We are saying it exists, it is a ‘being’ and we are allowing it to have life or appreciate its/their energy or ‘beingness’. We respect another’s right to be as they are, as we wish others to respect our right to be as we are.

When we dismiss something as unimportant, it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t count, we are treating it as no-thing; it can’t ‘tell’ us anything, and we consider it has nothing to ‘say’ to us, and we have no feeling for it. We are ‘thinging’ it.

‘Thinging’ takes the life/energy/vibes out of whatever. It’s a disregard or disrespect for life, and brings to a full stop any possibility of that ‘thing’ communicating with us or showing us something about Life. Remember, all Life is showing you some aspect of Energy, because that is what it is and we are.

The more we ‘thing’ whatever, the easier it is to use or abuse it for our own purposes without considering that thing’s needs. Remember ML; if you’re not respecting them, you’re not respecting your inner self at a deep level.

All of us want others to treat us with respect. We don’t expect to love everything or everyone or for them to love us, but we do want respect from others for our own wishes and needs, ie, we want to be taken into account. If we want respect, we have to give it.

‘Critters’ and ‘Creatures’.  (5C3a)

It is currently becoming fashionable to refer to Creatures of Nature as ‘critters’. It’s supposed to be ‘cutesy’ and ‘affectionate’, but it’s a be-littling and a ‘thinging’. All Creatures are created, and have a ‘being’ or an energy. This energy is sometimes referred to as a ‘medicine’ in North American Indian terms. This ‘medicine’ is referring to the energy of this creature, and its presence in our lives is a message/information for us. This ‘medicine’ is the way that Life speaks to us. The more we call it a ‘critter’, the less we consider that its energy has anything to say to us, and we can just ‘disappear’/ignore it; we don’t even bother to know its name; it has nothing to do with us. This makes a distance between us and it/them, and thus a greater disconnect from Nature and from Life. This is a disrespect, and our loss.

Apart from many insects that we love to hate, other vermin that we wish would go away would include the problem of any pest in any country, eg, cane toads in Australia. These pests are usually telling us something which surprisingly enough we would rather not hear, including that our ‘cleverness’ wasn’t and isn’t.

And the differences between Respect, Worship and Sacred?  (5C4)

Respect is allowing that other the right to exist. It/they are part of Life. They may have information for you, but it is your choice to take notice. But, paying attention is a prerequisite to worship.

Worship is paying attention to the authority of God and Life (living things). Submit to its (GLS) information/directions to you because it has greater awareness/knowledge than you. It is bigger than you, but that does not be-little you.

Sacred is the submission to tending to the other thing’s needs for our own sake. We look after it, and it will serve us by helping us feel bigger in life. This can be useful depending on what is actually ‘growing bigger', but as we treat Life as sacred, so we can help ourselves to grow as Life grows. 

An example might be to consider a man treating his wonderful car as sacred and giving it a lot of his energy, including paying for it. It ‘tells’ other people about some of the qualities of the owner. He tends to it, and serves it, and it actually serves him. If someone else dismissed it as unimportant or that it did not matter or count, he would be shocked, and even more so if it were damaged by another’s carelessness. [This behaviour gives many women ‘the willies’; would that this man were able to treat his own children (much less the wife) with such concern.]

This is an example where the 'sacred' is helping the man's outself to feel 'bigger'. Women call this 'wanking', because they know.

Another example of sacred could be a grove of wonderful trees that gives us feelings of relaxation and wonder. This can be for us humans a 'growing' of a different kind, because as we relax in this type of vibration our aura expands. This is actually very good for our body to experience, and rather different from our 'norm'.

Sacrilege is this ‘dismissal’ or refusal to allow the sacred to affect us or to submit to it. The dismissal itself usually comes about because the sacred energy is simply not perceived. But, essentially the sacrilege is a domination on our part, in that we are not allowing that life form to tell us about who or what it is, and we consider our own needs as more important. We are doing the deciding and we are placing our needs/wants as ‘higher’; no submission here. We treat it as having no life to us; it’s a thing. We are treating it as nothing; no thing; it does not ‘matter’.

But, the ML are there to remind us that as we do this to life, we are doing this to ourselves, and we won’t like the consequences one bit. We have blocked any chance of this aspect of life serving us. We are ‘dead’ to life, and Life has lost its point.

This is what Medusa was doing in the temple.

The Greek myths tell us that this is what gods and goddesses do to you to ‘punish’ you when you have done the wrong thing, but in fact, it’s Medusa’s own attitude to ‘the other’ that has turned her into a monster.

Thus, treating Life as Sacred means not only refraining from using things or people or Life (= the ‘other’) for your own purposes with no respect or appreciation for their needs; it also means submitting to this aspect of life’s needs or directives, which we do for our own sake.

When we do this, we are saying that this aspect of life ‘matters’ to us; we are making matter ‘matter’.

To repeat, treating Life as Sacred - all of it; ‘good’ and ‘bad’ - means ‘Behaving as if the God in All Life Mattered’ (Wright) because this is how you give all of ‘out there’, Life (= matter), and therefore you are giving it to your InSelf as well (because of ML), as in, you ‘matter’. And if you are making your InSelf ‘matter’ you will be giving Life to your InSelf.

This is a very important point which revolves around the word ‘matter’, which comes up a lot.

The primary problem with despising others is the unconscious despising of InSelf (’the internal other’). If it is not stopped it increases as we age, and the comparisons become ever greater, so much so that a despising person becomes even more unhappy with lots of self-pity (a heavy energy) and will secretly hate people who are happy. Any higher, finer, lighter energy can actually give pain to the comparer, and they don’t want it and will discount or negate it, or get rid of it if they can. That person will ‘kill’ it either literally or figuratively.

Sacred energies are these lighter and finer energies and the comparer/judger does not want them in their life. This is the sacrilege; the energy is ignored, refused or negated, and the comparer/judger goes on comparing/judging. They cannot Serve the sacred and the sacred thing cannot serve them. Loss in all directions.

‘Thinging’ and Abusing.  (5C5)

Despising and its little mate, self-pity, can escalate to hatred and cruelty to self or others, and they do. But it is still coming out of P&C and that basic comparison, judgement, fear and blame and feeling a victim.

The problem with feeling a victim is the great anger, self-pity and the blaming of ‘Life, the Universe and Everything’. So that person feels justified in taking from life in whatever manner, including theft and revenge, etc. Taking from life = using something or someone with no regard or respect for that used thing’s needs. This taking from life is an abuse/exploitation, and the person doing the taking and abusing is becoming a bully. And, the more they feel a victim, the more they will bully. (Bully and victim go together as superior and inferior ‘travel’ together.)

Despising Leads to Abuse.  (5C6)

As despising increases, the abuse of others increases. The despising leads to the abuse. The more we abuse someone, the more we tend to ‘thing’ them or vice versa. If anger has gone on to hate, the disrespect just increases, but now that person wishes to punish ‘the other’ and hurt it for being in their life. This leads on to cruelty, and looking for ways to ‘disappear’ that ‘other’. This is how the Nazis were able to behave as they did.

‘Thinging’ is the mechanism of domination, abuse and punishing. We are basically treating ‘the other’ as prey for our purposes only; the great taking from Life. The greater the ‘thinging’ of the other, the more that person is sociopathic, but remember that the person doing the ‘thinging’ has almost certainly been treated themself as a thing for some powerful other’s pleasure/satisfaction.

This is the mechanism for incest, violence and other violations of trust by someone who cannot do anything except P&C.

Also, notice that the more we treat people institutionally as ‘your name is a number’, the more we are prone to ‘thing’ them.

Confusion.  (5C7)

Despising, contempt and hate can be overt/apparent or covert/hidden. If it is overt, at least you know where you stand and can avoid it if possible, but the main point about the Medusa is the confusion for the person on the receiving end of it. The Medusa has a lovely ‘face’ and the despising is covert, secret or unconscious, as in, hidden from you, but you will still feel it, because it hurts and poisons you. You are being ‘used’ for their own purposes in a disrespectful manner. This is what leaves people stuck, and not knowing which way to move, ie, turned to stone. Others may consider your response to the Medusa irrational and are more likely to ignore your observations since they do not coincide with their own, (how could you possibly complain about such an apparently ‘lovely’ person?).

[Confusion is a primary indicator of being on the receiving end of lack of integrity, where integrity is about unifying what is said with what is done. As ‘saying’ and ‘doing’ become further apart, confusion increases for all concerned.]

Being on the receiving end of serious ‘abuse’ is traumatic, especially if there is violence and cruelty (as ‘punishment’), and we understand that. But, children who have experienced the Medusa, (the ‘loving’ ab-use/despising/sacrilege) end up seriously stuck in terms of not knowing what to do, and very angry or depressed at being wounded and starved of love. I suspect that they are much more likely to turn to addictions to whatever in their own search for love, but for them, their business is to ‘know’ their own ‘starving’ and learn how to ‘feed’/love themselves (= TISP InSelf) so that they can heal.

So, where might the Medusa be in normal Life? (5C8)

Any ‘loving’ environment where someone who is supposed to be loving/nurturing/protecting is doing the secret despising/abusing bit. [Ring any bells?] The home environment, persons of trust in institutional environments, missionaries despising ‘the natives’ culture while ‘loving’ them, and so on and on.

Notice that, personal covert despising turns others to stone, and cultural covert despising turns other cultures to stone, eg, male treatment of the female, or ‘whites’ of indigenous/’native’ peoples.

Remember that Perseus (the hero) had to look in the mirror to be able to see the Medusa properly so that he could be-head her (it was the way she was thinking that was so poisonous) and hence kill her. This metaphor can be taken both literally and figuratively, but is a good start for telling you how to begin what has to be done. Once she was dead, people were able to move. Thus, you begin with having to use a mirror to be able to ‘see’ her face correctly, ie, to see her properly and then to ‘kill’ her (stop the effect on you of her thinking) before you can become unstuck.

There’s an awful lot in this UUS about ‘using the mirror’ further on; see the Treasure Tool.

Socially, as the pressures of our times mount, despising increases along with intolerance. This is because our fears mount and despising comes out of fear as the root cause, as do all forms of P&C.

Monsters Can Happen.  (5C9)

The moral of this story is that ab-using/exploiting Life is a sacrilege and does turn us into monsters! It’s perfectly possible for people to abuse/exploit others for their own ‘jollies’. Be aware.

The idea then is to beware of monsters and to heal yourself if you have tangled with one, because if you do not, you may become one yourself and pass it on; (this applies to the vampire stories as well; ditto paedophilia and other forms of abuse; the abused becomes the abuser; but, remember, this is unconscious stuff for them). You then also need to learn to protect yourself from them. You can't stop a despiser from despising. You have to be your own hero, and use the mirror to 'kill' any despising you may have received which is stopping you from working out what you want to do in/with your life.

The P&C vs. TISP list above is a useful start for recognizing signs and symptoms.

Vampires.  (5C9a)

Vampires are frightfully fashionable at the moment, but I hope by now that you might be understanding that there is nothing romantic or exciting about living off, ie, 'sucking the other’s blood' (people or animals) without taking their needs into consideration; this is also referred to as 'preying'. Taking while giving nothing in return as well as attempting to avoid death is the recipe for boredom. The metaphor for blood is emotions, and vampires are immensely ‘cool’ because they have none. It is also true that if you can’t die, you can’t live either. (So many people have already said this; can we hear it?) The corollary to this is that there is nothing ‘noble’ about giving your blood to a vampire since this is the mechanism for becoming one yourself and thus a monster. The real question is, why would you be attracted to one in the first place? Get away, heal yourself, and find a life for yourself.

But, there are other more 'normal' methods of 'vampiring' which happen when we watch TV and others' suffering with no change or action on our part. We're kind of just using it to know we're not as bad as that, or looking for stimulation while we are bored. We are powerless and our energy just drains away. Stealing other countries' oil/gas for our own products and comfort is not a good use of our resources/taxes. And look at all those civilians getting in the way - what a nuisance!

No death.  (5C9b)

No death means no life. We need death to inform life, and in fact to become our guide to life. Defying death is not the way to go; facing death and forming a relationship with it is. Many people have said this before.

Avoiding connection with the Soul leaves us soul-less which is what human beings who become ‘monsters’ are.

We can avoid life and are allowed to do so, but eventually we become so bored and fed-up (but still empty) that we look for alternatives. Also, we can observe that others are having a better time of it. What do they do? Can we allow them to influence us, and so it goes; on with the explore…

Conclusion.

In how many ways can we get this wrong?

Doing Sup/Inf always gets us into trouble. Essentially, we are using our minds to look 'out there' and compare and judge, but as we do so we are also doing this to our own inner selves (ML). Hence, we end up with an increasing split between InSelf and outself, and all the consequences of that separation - no TISP and no Merge and an increased likelihood of pain and suffering.

We have this essential ability and requirement of our minds to compare and contrast. We need it to handle the dualities that energy provides which we call Life. It's when we judge and its consequent blame that we get into trouble. This is what the story of A&E in the Garden is actually about. Our minds are a 2-edged sword. The disadvantage of judgement is the other side of the advantage of comparison and contrast for understanding.

The Sup/Inf model is the mechanism of how we set up the split/difference/distance between our 2 selves; the outself and the InSelf; conscious and unconscious. And this model of life is our ‘normal’ point of view. This is currently how we deal with life, but the whole point of such comparison and judgement is that it is always at the other’s expense and hence, yours! (those ML – again!). So, maybe, stop.

This UUS argues that the P&C part of the Superiority/Inferiority Caper is how we view Life/God and that it is the absolute opposite of Love. It comes out of the fear that life is out to get us which gets reflected back to us by Life because that’s what life is for; to reflect our attitudes coming from inside us back to us so that we can see them.

And it’s currently doing this ‘in spades’ you might say. If we change this internal attitude to a more useful understanding such as this UUS, by definition the world ‘out there’ has to change too and it can and does, with a little help from you. This help being your submission to Life, as in, you get to do the changing first, not life.

Trying to get up the ladder of Sup/Inf is what we are taught about and live in as ‘the fish lives in the water’, but we have almost no idea of the problems that come with our judging.

In the next chapter I look at how we cope with this 'normal' world of ours? How do we explain it to ourselves? What do we try to do with it, and how do we describe or label our thinking and behaviour?