5a Judging - BC; P&C

“Comparison is the death of joy”. Twain.

Part II WANTING.

Part II has 4 chapters in it, chapters 5-8.

Chapter 5 is about how we use our minds to feel 'bigger'. Chapter 6 is about what our social understandings have to say for coping with our lives, and the implications in their instructions of what to do about it; Chapter 7 looks at those things we want so much to be rid of, and Chapter 8 is about what our deepest desires might be.

Introduction to Part II WANTING

What do we human beings actually want?

This part is about what we are essentially wanting and how we try to get it.

So, here we are on Earth, Exploring and Expressing, but what are we looking for? What do we actually want? We don't know and are not at all sure about what our religions tell us either, since most of that looks and sounds like a pack of threats, such as 'be good or else'. We get told that 'Love is the Answer', but that begs the question of what is Love? If God is Love, what's the bit about 'you're here on Earth 'cos you've been bad', since we consider most religions to be  basically saying that 'once you're good you can escape'??

This section looks at the things we wish for and yearn for, as well as the things that we already do, in an effort to establish what it is that we are really looking for at the deepest level. The whole point being that if we can find out what that is, and it coincides with what we are 'supposed to do' in terms of our religious teachings, then it's highly likely that we are on the right track, because if they are the same, then we don't need coercion at all. There is no point whatsoever in trying to force someone into peace, joy or happiness. It just doesn't happen. Hence there has to be some ultimate reward that draws us to correct use of our energy for our own sake, and it has to be on earth, not off it. Also, if we're on the right track, there are likely to be signposts on the way that we could understand and use for ourselves.

Whenever we don't know the answers to such questions, the first thing we look at is what we actually do, because that is what we have 'to hand', so to speak, and that 'answer' seems to be that we want to be 'bigger', and we also seem to want to 'be like God'. So, what do these mean? Are these the same thing in essence or are they different? What might this 'bigness' be, and what does God do that we can be like?

The child wants to grow up to be like its parents, whom it considers to be gods anyway and the adult wants to feel 'bigger' too. So, this is our first point of enquiry. What is this 'bigness' about? Do we want to be 'big' so that we might have control?  We don't know what 'being like God' is, or feels like, but we do seem to want to feel bigger, and more able to do as we wish.

We also have stories about the Garden of Eden, and Heaven, and we envy those able to rest in peace, which we long for, so we need to factor in the wish for these as well. We also need to remember that the part of God wants to be like God because we are built the same way; we are told that this is the same energy as the child wanting to be like the parent.

So, how does this all work together? Can it? Does it?

CH.5. JUDGING

Introduction to Judging.

We want to be bigger, so, how big do we want to be? Do we want to be as big as God? Well, it looks as though we do, and really, this is the part of God (which we are) wanting to be like God.

We are a part of God as everything on earth is part of God. However, as human beings we are built/equipped in the same manner as God, (’made in the image’) and are capable of doing so, whether consciously or unconsciously. The crux here is that we want very much to be like God, and this was how the snake was able to tempt Adam in the Garden of Eden; “you will be like god(s)”.

This is a very deep want internally, and not necessarily conscious. We want to be like God as the child wants to be like its parents, but just exactly what this goal might look or feel like is something we still search for. And it is precisely because we want it so much that we keep searching for it, on and on. We also get very upset when we consider ourselves unable to find it.

We want to be like God, but we are already ‘like God’ because, like God, our unconscious is already manifesting ‘out there’ all the time. We just haven’t yet worked out how we do it; but we will, by definition.

So, we spend our lives trying to ‘be like God’, and once again, the way our society thinks about these concepts needs to be scrutinized.

As small human children we see adults as having greater control over life and doing life and we hope to do the same. We want to be ‘bigger’. Maybe if we have more control we’ll have less fear in our lives and as we get bigger we’ll have more power to get what we want/like and do as we please. Notice also that God doesn't have to be afraid of anything. So, 'being like God' might also get rid of our fears which would be nice. This is called wanting power and control.

Our belief systems tell us that God has power and control over absolutely everything and can do as He pleases, which looks like ‘fate’ to us ‘littlies’, and supposedly for our own good (sure!). This is what we are taught and this is what we think being ‘bigger’ will get us. But is this what we really want?

So, how do we decide ‘bigger’? We look around and compare all the time according to what society tells us we should consider. And because we are comparing and judging all the time about what’s bigger and better, I shall refer to this as the Superiority-Inferiority Caper or Sup/Inf for short.

SUPERIORITY-INFERIORITY

The Superiority-Inferiority Caper.

Other labels for Superiority would be Self-Importance and Pride, while for Inferiority, Self-Pity and poor to low self-esteem or not good enough (NGE) could be used. All of them depending on degree, of course.

I consider Sup/Inf to have 3 stages.

The 1st stage I label the Big Cheese.

The 2nd Power and Control  (P&C), and

The 3rd, Despising.

STAGE 1. THE BIG CHEESE (BC) (5A)

Stage 1. Defining the Big Cheese (BC)

• I’m perfect - nothing’s wrong with me; it’s only everyone else.
• I am superior - I have what you want and don’t have (= you are inferior). I don’t need anything from you and you have nothing to teach/show me.
• I am an expert here because I am right. Hang upon my words.
• I am naturally beautiful, intelligent, clever, athletic, entertaining, wealthy, famous, ‘well-born’, powerful, successful, talented, expert, spiritual, ‘caring’, ‘noble’, worthy, charismatic, privileged, charming and lucky. (choose 1 or more.) It's a pity you’re not. (Add more words to the list as you see fit.)
• You may notice me and admire me; and you’re a bit stupid if you don’t. Worship/adulation would be even better.
• You should want to be like me and if you do as I tell you, you might get to where I am (but, of course, you never will).

What is Big Cheesing? (5A1)

It is a perpetual competition or comparison. Doing this requires watching ‘out there’ while judging and keeping track. Is that other person more in line with my concepts of better or worse? If I win, I am superior and you (the other) are inferior, as in, you just lost that one.

When I win I can feel bigger or inflated and more satisfied with myself; I have greater Self-Importance and feel proud of myself. If I lose, I feel smaller or deflated and feel sorry for myself, viz, Self-Pity, (’poor me’) and may feel envious or ashamed, etc.

We are perpetually looking for a greater estimation of ourselves.

Our society regards this watching others while judging all the time as part of how we live. It’s ‘normal’ and it’s how we goad ourselves to achieve/conform (or not), but notice that plenty of people haven’t had to personally ‘achieve’ the status that society gives; they have been born with these desirable attributes.

What's Wrong With It?  (5A2)

It’s a ‘looking out there’; a focus on the external world, and a wanting of energy (the notice and the admiration) from ‘out there’. As you look ‘out there’ and want from that direction, your energy is actually flowing out of you. “Energy flows where attention goes”. And you will need more energy coming in, somehow.

• Equality flies out the window.
• You are judging the other = you are judging your InSelf, because your InSelf = ‘the other’.
• It’s based on appearance alone, particularly if entertaining; very little to do with actual character, personality or actions/deeds/behaviour over time that would contribute to the growth of ‘the other’, ie serve or give Life.
• There is no end to it; there are and always will be those who are bigger or ‘better’, or those who are smaller and ‘worse’, and even then different societies have different ideas on what ‘bigger’ or ‘better’ etc. would be. Ideas about what’s ‘better’ or ‘worse’ even have different fashions over time.
• It promotes envy and jealousy, (great bedtime companions).

But, essentially, we have a great fear of being unseen, unheard, not counting and of no matter, as in, ‘no-thing’. Again, if I don’t count or I feel like nothing, do I exist? The ‘be like me’ part is wanting influence in our world. I call this fear that of being a ghost in our society, and deal with it in greater detail in chapter 7c.

The B.C. part is the looking out there and the wanting of energy from out there. The admiration part is the giving of energy to another. It’s all still comparison and judgement, however. 

 

Admiration.  (5A1a)

So, what about admiration and what’s wrong with that?

Admiration is a kind of approval of another for whatever reason. Generally that person is perceived as having attributes we value as worthwhile. But, an odd thing with admiration is the feeling that if we give it to someone, we’ll get some back, but this is not necessarily so at all. Film stars do not admire their fans. Gratitude possibly; admiration, no.

Another odd thing is that it can make the admired reliant/dependent on the admirer. Also admiration has little to nothing to do with actual relationship, no matter what we think.

However, there are plenty of admirable people who are not dependent upon your or anyone’s admiration. Choose one and emulate; ie, use them as a model for yourself, if that’s what you would like.

Projection.  (5A1b)

A really strange thing is that if I admire some attribute in another, it is actually already in me, but I am probably unable to recognize it. This is called projection, which see below. Thus, if you are a part of a ‘fan club’ you can use this phenomenon of projection to work out just exactly what you are a fan of, viz, what particular attributes/traits of that person are you admiring, as in, what do you value here?

Hence, you could use ‘projection’ to initially identify attributes that you would like to have yourself, and then to work toward understanding how these attributes can be discovered within you, which is very empowering. See goal-setting chapter.

Why List These Words Out?  (5A3)

These B.C. words are listed out so that you can use them to recognize what you or others are doing. If you are doing any of the BC words yourself, the next step is to ask yourself why are you wanting them. What is it that you are wanting and do not have?

An Anti-BC Model Would Look Like?  (5A4)

I am good enough (GE) as I am. A novel concept?

I am myself, (even if I don’t know everything that’s ‘in here’)

I have abilities and skills which I will continue to explore and develop.

You may or may not notice or admire me.

You should be like yourself, (and liking yourself would be a bonus).

Now we go to the 2nd stage of the Superiority/Inferiority Model, which I refer to as P&C.

STAGE 2. POWER & CONTROL (P&C) (5B)

Defining Domination, Power and Control (P&C).

I am Superior to you in whatever manner. You have to do as I tell you, and now I can enforce it.

The person(s) with P&C expects you to…

• Serve them, ie, be useful to them, in a manner defined by them, ie, they do the defining and they have the power. They may ‘pay’ you if you are ‘good’. Accept what you are given, you’re lucky to get anything. You should want to serve them. They can use you for their own purposes without any respect for your needs. This is also referred to as ‘exploit’.
• Be Dependent on them = they might be nice to you; you might be safe with them.
• Be Obedient to them, ie, do as you are told; not as they do.
• Be Dumb, ie, you are not allowed to speak up; it is not your place; not to mention, you are dumb/stupid/lazy and won’t be listened to anyway.
• Placate them if you offend, ie, you may not know how you have offended and are being blamed, but you will be unsafe until you do, and make sure you don’t do it again, and grovel and flatter a bit while you’re down there. Adulation and worship may help your case. You may, however, find that you don't really enjoy having to do this; it's not very good for one's self-esteem.

The Differences Between BC and P&C?  (5B1)

Notice here that the difference is that, with BC, the admired desire(s) the superiority, while with P&C, that person can enforce their ‘highness’. This can be through controlling something that someone else needs, such as money, or through being able to enforce control, or have someone behind them who can enforce it. Examples of this could be a government body (legally) or a gang of thugs (illegally).

Well; so what? This is our current ‘normal’ social model; isn’t this what everybody wants if they can get it? The whole of our media and our expectations are based upon this model. We tend to admire the more powerful, and wish we could have some of that too, and we think we may get some of that by letting them tell us what to do.

So, we consider P&C as normal, or a fact of life, but is this what we really want? Don't we talk about 'love' until we're blue in the face? Do we want it or not? Can we have both at the same time? What about comparing them? What is their relationship? I'll use TISP rather than the word 'Love' because I have defined it out more specifically.

How are P&C and TISP the same or different?  (5B2)

When we want to compare or contrast two concepts, we can set up lists of their qualities. The more qualities we have, the more detail to build/define the 'picture'. (I introduced a list of opposites in Ch.4 on Death to show up the contrast between life and non-life.)

Each line has a concept with an opposite on the same line. These are the contrasts provided by Energy/Life.

If the P&C recipient (peon?) is defined as dominated, dependent, obedient, dumb, placating and so on, it becomes very useful to look at what an opposite of these terms might be.

Table of TISP vs. P&C.  5B Diag.1

This table is a comparison of TISP which is doing Love, versus P&C which is energy used to force or control 'the other'.

LOVE = TISP Empowered for self	P&C Force from others
Serve InSelf/Life	Servant
Self-sufficient/Independent	Dependent
Relate	Obey/Obedient
Express	Dumb; no voice
Self-esteem	Placating/Grovel
Cooperate	Compete/Dominate
Protected/ 'Kept'	Exploited
Sustained	Drained
Interest	Ignore
Equality	'you're joking'
Allow	Judge & Expect
Gives Life	who lives?

I would imagine that you may have your own opposites to this little list, but what I am trying to point up here is that P&C is the opposite of TISP, so I am trying to show that P&C is not Love in any way, shape or form.

Remember also that as we do P&C to others, so we do this to our InSelf as well (ML).

As soon as we see Judge and Expect sitting in there you will now know that there’s trouble.

I have argued that Merge/Unity requires equality and relationship if there is to be a proper internal partnership for Expression of Self, and there is none of that on the P&C side.

If we want to grow and Flower (see below), we have to have proper Merge.

There’s also no Self-esteem here either (see also below). All in all, very bad news.

Love leads to Serving and giving to Life. P&C leads to un-love and un-life = taking from life; P&C is allergic to Serving.

And yet, P&C is the model for ‘life’ as we know it in our society, and we don’t actually like it very much. [Try asking people if they would actually want another life ‘like this one’.]  I consider that this model is killing Life on Earth and us.

Fathers.  (5B3)

Another problem with our P&C mode of Life is that our current concept of ‘father’ is also distorted. (There is more on men and women as individuals within our society in Part III.)

For many people their experience of their father is basically….

• Do as you’re told, and be obedient, because I can punish you, because I am bigger and stronger.
• I might love you if you’re good, but you’re supposed to love me all the time.
• I know everything about you so I know if you’re doing the wrong thing. Nor do I intend to discuss it with you to find out your point of view, or whether I have it correct. Of course I’m correct!
• I ‘love’ you, but I’m not that interested in spending time with you or being with you. I’ve got more important things to do.
• I have my own ideas about things but I’m not sharing them with you. You’re not big/old enough to understand.

With the problem being that this continues into government and business as well. But that’s what P&C is all about! The P&C list is also true for many men in that they have the greater physical strength and can use force to get what they want, and expect to and do.

It's a Double Bind.  (5B4)

The most difficult part of our religions is the concept of ‘believe in God and/or Love, or you’ll go to hell, but God loves you’. Oh!? How very loving, to be sure. This seems to be an absolute threat that people ignore, refuse to consider, rebel against, or turn themselves inside out trying to ‘love God’ so that they can escape Life on Earth which is ‘hell’ to them.

We are being taught that God is Love, as well as doing P&C to us because God has all this P&C. But, Love/TISP and P&C are opposites that cannot be reconciled because it is not possible; they are opposites in Energy. This leaves us trapped in a severe double bind and ‘trapped’ makes us angry as well as fearful.

We are exhorted to ‘be like God’  and deep down we do want to be like God, but our mainstream religions aren’t helping at all here.

So, Where has the Whole Belief Structure of God as P&C come from?  (5B5)

My argument here is that our basic concepts within our main religions are Spirit’s concepts which discount the Soul, because it doesn't know it has one. [The differences between spirit and soul are spelled out in Chapter 2.]

These concepts come out of Spirit’s fears about ‘life on earth’ so it tries to ‘jump off’ to feel ‘heavenly’, which is a disengagement/detachment from life. Spirit actually feels forced to be on earth.

Any ‘Spirit only’ teaching will be afraid of life because it (Spirit) is, and thus cannot teach otherwise. It can only teach ‘getting away’ strategies such as, ‘well, actually, we’re meant to be somewhere else’, with earth as the ‘naughty corner’. I suspect that if God meant us to be anywhere else, that would be where we would be. There is more on how religions 'work' in Chapter 6, below.

Why List the P&C Attributes Out?  (5B6)

The attributes are listed out because it becomes much easier to identify what others are doing and why, as well as what you are doing and why. This helps you to know yourself better.

You can also ‘unravel’ them by applying some opposites which can be quite entertaining at times. Eg, if someone is proclaiming that they are ‘nobly’ ‘serving’ ‘the world’, you could consider that person as possibly ‘ignobly’ ‘taking’ for ‘their own self’. Cynical, possibly, but certainly useful at times.

However, remember that this is your/my thinking; it may or may not be true/correct about them.

What Might be an Anti-P&C Model then?  (5B7)

The TISP list is a good start. Once again, how much are you wanting P&C and why, and how much does your life align with the Life side of the opposites list?

Conclusion.

P&C is a ‘story’ that is wrong on all counts if what we actually want is Love/TISP. That story is killing us and we are absolutely heading in the wrong direction.

The fear is of being ‘out of control’, as well as ‘Life is out to get me’, (and I want to run), so I’ll try to control it as much as I can. But, the crux is that this is an underlying belief that will be mirrored back to you from Life (ML). Hence, believing this stuff is not and cannot be useful for your happiness.

This controlling attitude leads to victim/bully and domination and more and more P&C; it’s a vicious cycle. This is fed by our religious teachings which are frankly modeled on P&C. Our idea of God is P&C.

In fact you are out of control, because you are not meant to be in control, but life is not out to get you. God is not P&C; She is part of all Life, and we are part of Her. In general, She’s that small quiet voice inside that we might not even hear, let alone acknowledge. How invisible, ‘unreal’ and ‘powerless’ is that?

Now I wish to look more closely at some of the P&C attributes to consider what they actually mean.